Fourteen poems. Fourteen little worlds.

 These poems are pieces of imagination, memories, feelings, questions, and moments that stayed with me. Each one has its own story, but together, they make one collection.

I hope you find something in these pages that feels a little familiar.

Poem 1

Wishes

 I wish to be the rhythm of the drizzle to hide my tear drops 

I wish to be a mesmerizing dream to seal my yesterday’s laughter

 I wish to be the waves of the ocean to snatch away memories to the depths

 I wish to be a gale of wind to be with my other half

 I wish to be the soil on earth to blossom a being I wish to be a twinkling star to smile at the world

 I wish to be a note of silence to sing my life’s story……

By Shabina Sanad

Poem 2

solacing song to the soul

The tiny bird always gay and playful

Flew with the tide of the care….

Hiding the warmth of love and dreams to its skinny feathers……..

Flapping and spreading the fragrance of love to her companions……

She flew and flew with caution away from falcons……

Looking in her new nest with hope and joy

When she landed on her new nest……

She wished she could rest……..

But her tiny nest, a puzzle so hard to crack…..

She started flying again

Crushed dreams burning fire on her bosom….

The tiny bird in trance Tired and confused

Tried to sing her souls song to her mate…….

She waited for him to return to her

He did come, never trying to hear her melody

Never seeing its intensity, never listening its beating

The tiny bird still sings her souls song

Wishing for a day to sing in union

To sing and flap her wings in joy and close her eyes

Hopes of that bright and serene day

Floats her to air and she flies singing her souls song……..By Shabina Sanad

Poem 3

A Birthday Wish

It’s the beauty of the morning dew drops and the charm in your brief smile

Makes me to move …………each step is a promise to the twinkle in your eyes

That keeps me live and vibrant like a pigeon

My wings ache when you are not around………

I feel lonely and insecure ………….

I keep waiting……….just for a glance

To melt my woes in the sweetness and elegance of your being

The sun shines for me when you enter like a dashing gale of wind……

A divine feel of vibe engulf me then.

Are you my mentor?   Companion or a true guide…….I keep asking myself and find no answer

I wish if I can resist the fog …………..the fog from the spark of Perfection and wisdom in you

Iam not an angel nor a sinner……….

Yet wish to offer my pearls and beads of prayers and good wishes to you on your special day

You unraveled a wonderful and vibrant world to me …………..

Let me hem a note of gratitude too today……… and let you know you are special

 My  lonely path looks  lovely cos I own  those rare and close moments you gifted to me ………….

Happy Birthday ………….from the deep soul of mysterious dew

drop (Shabnam) By Shabina Sanad

Poem 4

Candle

I was all alone in the church

I lit the candle and watched its dancing flames

My soul started chanting to me

“why did you hide the roses

Why did you hide your passion

Why didn’t you want to hear the voice

That you yearn to hear?

Why didn’t you utter the sweetest words

Why did you hide your dreams?

My answer the tears, fell on the candle

And darkness surrounded me

I looked out through the huge door

My path lies lonely and long

Mozantos blossomed on both sides

Snowflakes are dropping on them

They can fall in love

The sky, stars, flowers, birds

They can fall in love

But I can’t

“will you be born again to reveal the roses

Will you be born again to reveal your passion

Will you be born again to hear his voice

Will you be born again to say those words

Will you be born again to materialise your dream.

I sighed and whispered to myself

We will light the candle

 together then

By Shabina Sanad

Poem 5

A Dream

I rose from the unfinished dream

The waves have taken the sandcastles

That we built together

The hand that you extended remains untouched

Iam away from you far away

Where is the stars that showered light on us

Where is the stream that tickled our legs

Where is the snowflakes that whispered to us

Where is the sea that fascinated and called us beyond the horizon

Oh my friend let me thank you for being there with me in my dreams

Let it be a dream unfinished

The unparallel path, the unspoken words

The unwritten love lies before us now

But promise me my friend that

You will keep a white rose and

A petal of tear for my grave.....Promise me.........By Shabina Sanad

Poem 6

A New Year hymn

A new year hymn to look for hope

New new days to see the smile of the beloved ones

Gone are the days to ponder over the follies.

Newer days to bring back peace and smile

Looking through the windows to weigh the bitterness of the words bespoken

Shadows of the past are dancing along the waves

I sigh in vain and crave for your presence

Couldn’t you hear the suffocating laughter and glitter of those days?

That is evaporating through the windows

Didnt I mumble once about loneliness and silence that I scare most?

Why I was always scared to lose your love

The ominous dreams making me nervous and making me kneel in prayers......

I wake up at night feeling lumps in my throat and look out through the window

The rippling waves of the sea is flowing along the tune of the breeze

Brightly lit neon’s are blinking secretively kissing the darkness

The night is as beautiful as ever

But why the nightmares creeping in again and scaring me?

My soul is swirling to find the hidden love sparkling in remote

Am I far from you so far beyond your sight and sensation?

Am I becoming vulnerable even to look out through the window and melt in its scenic mysteries?

Bring me back my smile and the lost rhythm, why do you reject the heed of my soul purposely

The scars are pleading for your care and affection

I wait in silence for your return, to smile and start afresh together.

By Shabina Sanad

Poems 7

A New Year hymn

A new year hymn to look for hope

New new days to see the smile of the beloved ones

Gone are the days to ponder over the follies.

Newer days to bring back peace and smile

Looking through the windows to weigh the bitterness of the words bespoken

Shadows of the past are dancing along the waves

I sigh in vain and crave for your presence

Couldn’t you hear the suffocating laughter and glitter of those days?

That is evaporating through the windows

Didnt I mumble once about loneliness and silence that I scare most?

Why I was always scared to lose your love

The ominous dreams making me nervous and making me kneel in prayers......

I wake up at night feeling lumps in my throat and look out through the window

The rippling waves of the sea is flowing along the tune of the breeze

Brightly lit neon’s are blinking secretively kissing the darkness

The night is as beautiful as ever

But why the nightmares creeping in again and scaring me?

My soul is swirling to find the hidden love sparkling in remote

Am I far from you so far beyond your sight and sensation?

Am I becoming vulnerable even to look out through the window and melt in its scenic mysteries?

Bring me back my smile and the lost rhythm, why do you reject the heed of my soul purposely

The scars are pleading for your care and affection

I wait in silence for your return, to smile and start afresh together.

By Shabina Sanad

Poem 8

For the prince in my fantasy world

Your eyes  my dream

Your smile my pleasure

Your gaze my gift

Your love  my chain

Your absence my pain

Your nearness my heaven............

I hide my heart to beat for its real owner

confessing to the almighty

let me melt in my prayers and enjoy the peace

let me love you from the distance

let me see the mystique twilight and the sunshine through you

let me hide my shadow in teardrops and rain for you when you hate my presence

iam budding and blossoming in your elegance and sweetness

why iam lost when you are away

On this secial day let me offer a petal of love and affection and notes of prayes to see your innocent 

smile again By Shabina Sanad

Poem 9

Homing

She was flying with him in the sky

He spread his wings to protect her from the scorching sun. She was floating in between the blue sky and deep blue sea. Her whole being was filled with rapture. She was soaring so high for the first time and her delicate wings ached. Even then she was eager to enjoy nature’s beauty. The wind was blowing softly. He alighted on the branch of a huge cedar tree and rested there. She moved closer to him and looked into his eyes. He sang and the melodious notes entered into her heart, she felt as if her heart is melting and flowing like a stream. The fragrance of cedar flowers and the gentle gust of breeze created a lullabic effect on her.She closed her eyes and fell into a trance. Suddenly the thought of her mother flashed into her mind. Her mother would be anxiously waiting for her in the nest. She rose and without bidding farewell to him, flew towards her nest. She brooded over her folly. She felt pain in her wings. Her mother never let her fly so high. She never meant to break the rules.No, she shouldn’t, as disobedience is not allowed in their clan. She tried to fly fast. She knew that what had happened before was just an illusion. Reality lies where she is heading now. Thats her world. The other world of music, fun and beauty seemed alien to her now. In the twilight it was hard to see her destination but she flew with all her might to reach the nest

  By Shabina Sanad

Poem 10

Iam a stone

Iam a stone I search for the hands that once tickled me and caressed me fondly You Rain and Fire! How can i forget you who put fire on my emotions a thousand times How can i forget you who rained on me a hundred times to the tune and dance of gentle breeze I go weak yet i get up to regain my confidence When you were giving pleasure to your eyes my heart the stones heart was bleeding Iam fully a stone now I touched the rain drops and gazed in awe at the red dots of fire I dwelve deep to find A touch of love A word of care A smile of naughtiness A gist of giggle I can forgive the betrayal Take away the harshness And dubious chauvanism Deliberate attempts of jealousy creation The love is lost but iam not lost Iam a forgiving stone Come back to me clean and fresh Iam waiting 

By Shabina Sanad

Poem 11

Pebbles

That dream is chasing me………

You and me in the sea shore alone……..

In the playful reflections of the moon I see your face

Why I savored the wine in your eyes, so innocent looking and piercing…….

Why I was oblivious of my convictions?

Why I felt at ease even the chilly wind escorted to the vale……..

Was it ever happened, the pebbles you throw sinking deep down the ocean?

Did I really hear the ripples?

Didn’t I hurt the sea, when my own conscience was bleeding?

Why I let you hold my hand……..my sinful hands are scorning at me….

Yet I wish to see the friendly smile and stars to remain in your eyes for me as well.

I see the mirage ….it’s my own self………drifting in dilemma……where do I belong?

That was just a dream, I am awake now…..

From the fantasy world………that was the darker shadow of my being…….revolting and wayward

My soul is craving for the loved ones who are miles and miles away from 

Oh my dad I reach in vain for your hand everyday

The shallowness of the world is creeping on to my veins

Can you see my lonely and restless path daddy?

I sail in the sea of tears……fighting for a grip

Show me the right path from above………iam as innocent as the toddler when I hold your big hand for support…….

The pebbles are just the Fragment of a day dream

When he tossed the pebbles my heart wept in silence……..

Are they real, or fake like my own life……….waiting for the footstep of a baby in silence…….

Or my own soul, strewn away in the sandy beach and stepped over

Why I burst today, when fingers rose to blame

I wait for the waves to come and wash me pure and pristine one more time......

By Shabina Sanad

Poem 12

Realisations

Its you the brightest star, shining and glowing like a diamond

I sit in the dark corner of the terrace

Every night to see you moving

Why I thought that the distance is intolerable

Why I thought that the star adjacent to you is dull

Why i thought that the distance will change everything

Nothing has changed

Everything was an illusion

As the child cried over the unattained moon

I cried over my fancies and fantasies

Now I know trying to reach you is as vain as trying to hold dew drops in my hands

I want to bring back my innocent smile

I want to bring back the lost rhythm

So be there, I can watch you from here

How lovely its to see you amid the countless stars

I can see one star winking at me

That star is not as bright as you

But that star is made for me

For me alone

By Shabina Sanad

Poem 13

Iam a stone

Iam a stone I search for the hands that once tickled me and caressed me fondly You Rain and Fire! How can i forget you who put fire on my emotions a thousand times How can i forget you who rained on me a hundred times to the tune and dance of gentle breeze I go weak yet i get up to regain my confidence When you were giving pleasure to your eyes my heart the stones heart was bleeding Iam fully a stone now I touched the rain drops and gazed in awe at the red dots of fire I dwelve deep to find A touch of love A word of care A smile of naughtiness A gist of giggle I can forgive the betrayal Take away the harshness And dubious chauvanism Deliberate attempts of jealousy creation The love is lost but iam not lost Iam a forgiving stone Come back to me clean and fresh Iam waiting 

By Shabina Sanad

Poem 14

Tears

He is beside me but he is too far

The stars are still there in his eyes

But I daren’t look into it

The magnetism is there, that is pulling me

But I can resist it

I can feel the beauty of unspoken words

Heap of words, remain there, never come out.

Now let me wait for my prince

As in a fairy tale he will come on horseback

To take me to the valley of dreams and happiness

The memories that you left will remain in the 

Corner of my heart like a lit lamp.

Tears don’t fall

I knelt down on the altar

The serene atmosphere in the church

Soothed my heart

I held the rosary tightly to my bosom

I gazed at the twinkling stars

The happy notes from the carols

Are fading away

Tears don’t fall

By Shabina Sanad

 

 

 

Peace & Pomp

 Every Ramadan promise cleansing ones entire being and the hope of redemption and increasing good deeds in anticipation of spiritual rewards but this Ramadan somehow disappointed and saddened us by the sudden outbreak of war, celebration and awe reserved for the Eid got converted to delusion and worry of the safety of loved ones abroad. Though leaders tried to remove clouds of concern by emphasizing their measures adopted to face crisis indeed ease off many mother's mayhem, as an ex expatriate and many of my friends,colleagues,relatives working overseas, we stayed in tune with updates and prayed for peace and safety of everyone.

From this small country side of Kerala ,from God's own country I request every one to earnestly make a wish to stop the war and to bring back peace and harmony instead of hatred & violence. Though in dilemma and feeling low sending loads of white flowers on your way as a silent symbol of peace. My heart goes out to all those who meticulously planned trips and vacations planned to buy house, planned career shifts,planned family reunions May every nationality across the globe feel safe & sturdy and let the season shower blessings and abundance to all. Amen

A new year musing of a nostalgic expat

 

As we all welcomed  the new year with enthusiasm and a determination to be a better version of oneself, amid all the chaos and the mistakes treaded upon we had a humble new year and to bring a smile on the face of our kids we took them to shanghumugham beach and kids enjoyed the crowd and hustle and bustle of the stalls created (to loot the money of innocent people could not help calculating the inflated prices, to satiate the extra oalfactory function of our son my husband ordered fried fish and I almost fainted when he paid the bill. ) The realisation dawned on me that we have been living in Trivandrum for the last 11 years as expatriates and the aeroplanes flying to different destinations made me nostalgic and the memories of my frequent airtravel with my husband pricked my ego and when we passed the air terminals I felt like I somehow got alienated from a world altogether and I heaved a sigh and told our kids about the life once we had abroad. And promised them a trip once luck favors us again something like a paradise regain tale. 

We enjoyed the sea breeze, mystic tides and the coffee house reminded us of our wedding time visits almost 20 years back, when we look back we lost most of our loved ones during the pandemic time. The times we used to roam together have parties and fun with dear and near ones all seemed a distant dream.

My daughter taught me how to ask chatgpt to determine gender of papaya trees and to better aid pollination of jackfruit and custard apple and guided me to have a smart garden, new generation obviously think and act smart unlike an old fashioned me who constantly worry about price and inflation. 

As I received a pretty good feedback from my kids teachers on their exam report (apart from the laziness, naughtiness chatter issues) I felt elated and thanked the almighty for abundantly blessing us. We pray to almighty to guide us and give us health and focus to mould our kids to brighter and responsible citizens. A heartfelt note of gratitude to siblings,family friends,neighbours who tolerated our previous years fights (property dispute and jobless issues) our kids teachers and our well wishers we hope more good days are yet to come. Dreamingly,declutteringly,gardeningly and funny parently yours Shabina Sanad

Reconciliation note to friends & Relatives

 

As I realise shutting out myself from friends and relatives is not the right way to solve any misunderstanding, I implore  you to send me friend request in facebook(blocked & blocked  as I could not figure out who have been hacking or prying or for what reason?) I have friends and relatives spread across the globe including my husband's side. Its true that I did overshare , our overseas life I flaunted too much creating confusion in many and I think created distance and an unhealthy competition hence our patience has been tested to the core for survival here ,

because of my naiveness I don't wish my husband or our kids to suffer. I still value and cherish each and every one of you who taught me to be a better person. My native place, first workplace, my husband's home, overseas life, infertility treatment ,Siblings, our family friends , neighbour network and support and the almighty God's grace guided us so far and Iam at a state wondering how to contribute to add more value and meaning to our existence. My husband's suggestion on generating money online got me thinking about adsense and analytics and brought back memories of Google analytics sessions at office in Dubai back in the year 2007. Do enlighten me with your more broader and sharper views and help us uplift us. Think starting a new blog for our hometown and the funny tales and tricks each contestant try out to win would attract traffic or atleast keywords but the funnier point is though I treasure and love my husband I don't love the party least his family staunchly believe, so better to hide my party allegiance and write and talk sweetly about other walks of life. 

Sugar coating my tooth ache and Facebook ache once again forgive me and let's be friends again for friendship sake.

Wishing to be friends again in facebook

Yours Shabina Sanad

Friday musings

 

Good morning All

Wishing you all a vibrant and positive day. I just felt hugely blessed (though there are hundreds of unresolved issues dancing to the tune of the damp whether and rain) after speaking to my mom( who is struggling with her new treatment plan and troublesome kids like me lol) and a family friend of ours (a proud father of a Doctor Daughter) who used to visit us while we were in Dubai.

Who used to guide and offer suggestions when we made mistakes after mistakes with regard to choosing career or retaining the status. Now we are ex NRIs struggling to fend for ourselves in the chaotic world and decided to take the matters to a slower pace and decided to  keep a safe distance for the rat race to luxury or abundance. We learnt to appreciate  the simple pleasures of laughter and naughtiness thrown by our kids and the joy of cooking and gardening without worrying about any deadline( though I lose temper over the uncertainty his parents imposed on us apologies to sasuralwale inlaw's kith & kin ) I reason out that it's our responsibility to preserve the legacy of my Medical Officer mother in law and to raise our kids in this very house she built passionately for her kids. I felt happy and my joy found no bound when the mango tree in our garden blossomed after 20 years when I threatened the tree after making a ring on her wood and provided nourishment, I felt proud indeed though sanad laughed it off and said Iam crazy like my mom (who needs credit he should be wise enough to stop piling up credit that's all Prince of Doctor mom) Believe he is also trying hard to whether the gloom.

Jokes apart I really need your views on generating income with a laptop at home ( I could write stories poems articles and can do online marketing as well don't mistake me Iam not blowing my own trumpet ) I have eight years of overseas experience in creative writing for Dubai property, events calendar  and travel & Tourism portal) If you have got any reference or idea to help me earn some pocket money please feel free to drop an email to sanadshabina@gmail.com

Optimistically freelancing job searchingly yours Shabnam, Shabna, Shabina, Shabina Sanad

Have a fabulous Friday !

Back to Scool

 

It was indeed a pleasant day today as sun shone brightly  very much making us happy as we could dry the clothes in sunlight. The interval from torrent rain was a mood uplifter. We were planning to make our school shopping at Police store to save money but the rain and condition of the car changed our plans and we went to Sabari and finished our shopping. When  Mohid started throwing tantrum  on using old notebooks that looks brand-new with only very few pages used, my sister's son came to rescue on phone and   pacified Mohid over the issue and  made him realise it's not necessary to buy all the notebooks new and there is no harm in using unused old note books. Spider man umbrella, water bottle ,shoes and other accessories for school purpose bought illuminated their face and they happily volunteered to bind the books and put name slips on it and I had to simply supervise and lend a hand in between. 

We followed the instructions from School and I smiled when I heard Manha reading it aloud for Mohid.  

After two months of library book reading. Tv watching, family gathering, gardening, experiments and cooking sessions,fun,  laughter, giggles and bonding with kids and fight sessions now we are back to 'back to School mode' Hope you are also excited and in good shape to welcome the new academic year with mirth and joy. I wish you all good health,happiness and lots of love and patience yours Shabina Sanad

Summer vacation tales

 

Listening to the tune of the lashing rain I finished reading Agatha Christie's somewhat mystic novel, my other half has been listing the troubles and dissatisfaction one face while working in Kerala, I just wish to forget his Serco Dubai metro accommodation in Al Nahda and my late-night inspection visits ( we used to stay near Dubai metro accommodation a stones throw away distance to be precise) it was a single yet chic and cosy accommodation provided to him. we used to pay rent and live near Serco Dubai metro accommodation next to Emirates Hotel Apartment and Istanbul Supermarket, almost all his Dubaimetro colleagues knew me, I really miss the naughty smiles of his friends and colleagues when I snoopingly travel in Dubaimetro to reach my office in Airport Road Dubai where I used to work as a creative writer. Our meet up in the evening and window shopping, siblings and cousins join us to gossip and laugh at each other over queer habits especially they all know my husband drink like a fish and iam always on the lookout of catching him red-handed,God how I miss all those shawarmas I ate and the metro stations wrongly passed while listening to music and daydreaming now I feel guilty to deviate my kids attention from junk food I wonder how could I supress my own sweet tooth, may be the magic of motherhood, on this summer rain I wish to proclaim my love for Dubai and my love for my better half whose lavish heart could forgo all the lavishness and facilities of a metropolitan city for the sake of family.

The coconuts,passion fruits and all the flowers and plants in his garden are the symbol of patience, love and care mother earth bestowed us for Manha & Mohid. Our summer vacation resolutions went on pretty well visited library many times,was too excited to welcome my smart sister,her son ,mother and brother to our somewhat old retreat and kids enjoyed playing together and converted one room to a DJ ambience with the studio lamp Manha received from Yippee Noodles and with the speaker system. I enjoyed cooking for them(as they provided parties to us many a times) though had a row with mother over cleanliness in kitchen (who is a supermom raised 4 kids and managed tending to her mother-in-law as well) so as to prove my efficiency I  washed the whole area and sent the photos the very next day though I regret being so harsh on the phone. We did munch on the snacks they brought  and resumed our somewhat laidback life striking the checklist where they suggested attention like putting bulb in places where no light is there, changing gas burner and deviation tips to bed wetting and tantrum throwing, after my in-laws absence God has been leading us and when my mother and siblings came I felt so happy to bond, his relatives stopped coming to our house may be because of the property disputes and misunderstandings, our neighbours often reassures and inspire us through good words and good deeds by giving us sweets and gifts for kids I wish and pray that his parents blessings and love towards us would make our every steps more bold and optimistic  bingingly,gardeningly,homingly yours Shabina Sanad