Hi All,
Good day to you. I was so stressed up and disoriented few days back and felt I would explode if I didn’t talk to someone, as always, my friend was there for my rescue, His wisdom soothed my eerie feelings and helped me see things in far better light. It was indeed an eye opening session, I felt ashamed of myself for being so naïve to be cynical and disheartened. I listed my reasons for frustrations he told me to take a bird`s eye view of what Iam doing and it seems to him I have shrunk my thoughts towards a few things? you need to do a real self examination of urself ? you are looking inward out look from outward in...I would say the best piece of advice I have ever received, I did that…. I looked at my reflection from outside……stunned to see the truth.
I always used to think Iam doing the right things, I always used to expect attention and care from my spouse in return of my love for him, I used to scream shriek and yell when things are not going according to my liking. His words did rang a bell…. he said if you are expecting.. you DO NOT have love, love is unconditional, and if there is expectation... its conditional...its is not love. He continued to my surprise you are frustrated for no reason ... and you are possessive for no reason, and that makes u look only to the negative side of life ... while so many positives are happening around.
He shot the prescription for me quickly write down 20 positive things in your life everyay for the next 30 days its normal for us to get in to the garbage of our lives ... yes we need to work yes we need to do the chores at home yes we need to slog but what is it for we are doing it ? if that is quite clear , you can easily get going...we need to have perseverance, in life we need to appreciate the god things that our partner does and what they require is encouragement not to point the issues.
Its so stupid of me to keep on trying to change the ways of my spouse, how much damage I would have done to him through all the endless fights and screams, yes now I see a lot of positive sides in my spouses side, he is cool headed, how come I mistook it for indifference, not even a single trouble would affect him, where I would get worried for no reasons, he is capable, he is technically very adept, why I want him to be a book worm while he always had a way to tackle realities, he found his new job with no time, he is capable and good in his field, why did I fail to notice that….. I was reminded of the play Hayavadhana by Girish Karnad, where the wife yearns for perfection, exchanges the physical and intellectual faculties of two persons and how it ruins their happiness and make them realize the futility of searching for perfection.
These words from my friend, whom I know for years whom I judged to be a perfectionist startled me imperfect things are beautiful if we do things like how car is made , then life is not interesting anymore why is painting beautiful coz its imperfect ... and there are lot of unknown thing that we could see you will see how blessed you are ...
I had to agree to him, then he asked me sarcastically but you r what ? frustrated? angry ?
No, no I have corrected him iam blessed
Then he continued remember if you get angry about something, youu do not have love for that person...coz anger is a emotion, and love is an emotion when anger supercedes love ... that’s when we get angry before you get angry change the perspective of how the other person would be feeling when you get angry with that person and then you u would feel that things need to be changed from your end. Change always starts from within and we need to keep doing the change, so that we become better…..when you stop doing it remember we aren’t growing mentally, spiritually and mutually.
Iam almost in tears when he finished. So I would like to thank my friend for reinforcing the truths about relationship that got fogged by troubled situations, and I want to tell my spouse a big sorry for all my naive ness, I love you more than anything in this world, you are still a gem of a guy my dear husband!
Good day to you. I was so stressed up and disoriented few days back and felt I would explode if I didn’t talk to someone, as always, my friend was there for my rescue, His wisdom soothed my eerie feelings and helped me see things in far better light. It was indeed an eye opening session, I felt ashamed of myself for being so naïve to be cynical and disheartened. I listed my reasons for frustrations he told me to take a bird`s eye view of what Iam doing and it seems to him I have shrunk my thoughts towards a few things? you need to do a real self examination of urself ? you are looking inward out look from outward in...I would say the best piece of advice I have ever received, I did that…. I looked at my reflection from outside……stunned to see the truth.
I always used to think Iam doing the right things, I always used to expect attention and care from my spouse in return of my love for him, I used to scream shriek and yell when things are not going according to my liking. His words did rang a bell…. he said if you are expecting.. you DO NOT have love, love is unconditional, and if there is expectation... its conditional...its is not love. He continued to my surprise you are frustrated for no reason ... and you are possessive for no reason, and that makes u look only to the negative side of life ... while so many positives are happening around.
He shot the prescription for me quickly write down 20 positive things in your life everyay for the next 30 days its normal for us to get in to the garbage of our lives ... yes we need to work yes we need to do the chores at home yes we need to slog but what is it for we are doing it ? if that is quite clear , you can easily get going...we need to have perseverance, in life we need to appreciate the god things that our partner does and what they require is encouragement not to point the issues.
Its so stupid of me to keep on trying to change the ways of my spouse, how much damage I would have done to him through all the endless fights and screams, yes now I see a lot of positive sides in my spouses side, he is cool headed, how come I mistook it for indifference, not even a single trouble would affect him, where I would get worried for no reasons, he is capable, he is technically very adept, why I want him to be a book worm while he always had a way to tackle realities, he found his new job with no time, he is capable and good in his field, why did I fail to notice that….. I was reminded of the play Hayavadhana by Girish Karnad, where the wife yearns for perfection, exchanges the physical and intellectual faculties of two persons and how it ruins their happiness and make them realize the futility of searching for perfection.
These words from my friend, whom I know for years whom I judged to be a perfectionist startled me imperfect things are beautiful if we do things like how car is made , then life is not interesting anymore why is painting beautiful coz its imperfect ... and there are lot of unknown thing that we could see you will see how blessed you are ...
I had to agree to him, then he asked me sarcastically but you r what ? frustrated? angry ?
No, no I have corrected him iam blessed
Then he continued remember if you get angry about something, youu do not have love for that person...coz anger is a emotion, and love is an emotion when anger supercedes love ... that’s when we get angry before you get angry change the perspective of how the other person would be feeling when you get angry with that person and then you u would feel that things need to be changed from your end. Change always starts from within and we need to keep doing the change, so that we become better…..when you stop doing it remember we aren’t growing mentally, spiritually and mutually.
Iam almost in tears when he finished. So I would like to thank my friend for reinforcing the truths about relationship that got fogged by troubled situations, and I want to tell my spouse a big sorry for all my naive ness, I love you more than anything in this world, you are still a gem of a guy my dear husband!
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