Outward in self analysis

Hi All,

Good day to you. I was so stressed up and disoriented few days back and felt I would explode if I didn’t talk to someone, as always, my friend was there for my rescue, His wisdom soothed my eerie feelings and helped me see things in far better light. It was indeed an eye opening session, I felt ashamed of myself for being so naïve to be cynical and disheartened. I listed my reasons for frustrations he told me to take a bird`s eye view of what Iam doing and it seems to him I have shrunk my thoughts towards a few things? you need to do a real self examination of urself ? you are looking inward out look from outward in...I would say the best piece of advice I have ever received, I did that…. I looked at my reflection from outside……stunned to see the truth.

I always used to think Iam doing the right things, I always used to expect attention and care from my spouse in return of my love for him, I used to scream shriek and yell when things are not going according to my liking. His words did rang a bell…. he said if you are expecting.. you DO NOT have love, love is unconditional, and if there is expectation... its conditional...its is not love. He continued to my surprise you are frustrated for no reason ... and you are possessive for no reason, and that makes u look only to the negative side of life ... while so many positives are happening around.

He shot the prescription for me quickly write down 20 positive things in your life everyay for the next 30 days its normal for us to get in to the garbage of our lives ... yes we need to work yes we need to do the chores at home yes we need to slog but what is it for we are doing it ? if that is quite clear , you can easily get going...we need to have perseverance, in life we need to appreciate the god things that our partner does and what they require is encouragement not to point the issues.

Its so stupid of me to keep on trying to change the ways of my spouse, how much damage I would have done to him through all the endless fights and screams, yes now I see a lot of positive sides in my spouses side, he is cool headed, how come I mistook it for indifference, not even a single trouble would affect him, where I would get worried for no reasons, he is capable, he is technically very adept, why I want him to be a book worm while he always had a way to tackle realities, he found his new job with no time, he is capable and good in his field, why did I fail to notice that….. I was reminded of the play Hayavadhana by Girish Karnad, where the wife yearns for perfection, exchanges the physical and intellectual faculties of two persons and how it ruins their happiness and make them realize the futility of searching for perfection.

These words from my friend, whom I know for years whom I judged to be a perfectionist startled me imperfect things are beautiful if we do things like how car is made , then life is not interesting anymore why is painting beautiful coz its imperfect ... and there are lot of unknown thing that we could see you will see how blessed you are ...

I had to agree to him, then he asked me sarcastically but you r what ? frustrated? angry ?
No, no I have corrected him iam blessed

Then he continued remember if you get angry about something, youu do not have love for that person...coz anger is a emotion, and love is an emotion when anger supercedes love ... that’s when we get angry before you get angry change the perspective of how the other person would be feeling when you get angry with that person and then you u would feel that things need to be changed from your end. Change always starts from within and we need to keep doing the change, so that we become better…..when you stop doing it remember we aren’t growing mentally, spiritually and mutually.

Iam almost in tears when he finished. So I would like to thank my friend for reinforcing the truths about relationship that got fogged by troubled situations, and I want to tell my spouse a big sorry for all my naive ness, I love you more than anything in this world, you are still a gem of a guy my dear husband!

Detachment for smart life

Hi All,

Life is indeed a blessing, and we read that it has to be fully lived, each moment as precious as the upscale graph of the share market and to be utilized to the maximum, what if that look damn bearish, then again the sermons are at your disposal you shouldn’t say the glass as half empty its half full blah blah, I have a question here, I do agree that life is like a sweet and sour pizza but my query is about the purpose serving , are we really serving the supreme purpose in our lives, we have 24 hours, spending it at workplace, home and among social circle , working, browsing, chatting, sharing knowledge, worrying and at the end of the month rewarded with the pay cheque, does that make you happy? Is that the only concern in your life? Where lays the path to feel the inner satisfaction, that elevate you beyond your sensations and infuse the inner energy to perceive the world without its forgeries?

What I feel is that the solution lies in detachment, keeping your soul above all the tempting illusions of this materialistic world. Disciplining ones heart and mind and maintaining a detached demeanor would lead to a happier and fulfilling life.

Globalization and technical advancements has begotten stress and it is following the younger generation like a silhouette especially in the wake of global downturn and its aftermath of alarming rate of layoffs. We should not let stress to stay long, like a well mannered guest leaving the house politely rejecting the dinner invitation we should see off stress also, shouldn’t let stress to stay more than necessary.

Let me share it with you some good stress buster tips from Harward Medical school’s newsletter, hope you will find it interesting. Wishing you all a stress free week ahead!

Breathing Techniques Help Control Stress
Breathe in deeply to a count of four and out again slowly. There. Don’t you feel calmer?

Most of us are familiar with the term “fight or flight,” also known as the stress response. It’s what the body does as it prepares to confront or avoid danger. The brain signals hormones that rouse us to action. Breathing quickens to take in more oxygen, the heart beats faster, blood pressure rises, muscles tighten, and senses sharpen.

When appropriately invoked, the stress response helps us rise to many challenges. It allows us to avoid an impending accident and help rescue people in a disaster. But trouble starts when this response is constantly provoked by less momentous, day-to-day events, such as money woes, traffic jams, job worries, or relationship problems.

Health problems are one result. A prime example is high blood pressure, a major risk factor for heart disease. The stress response also suppresses the immune system, increasing susceptibility to colds and other illnesses. Moreover, the buildup of stress can contribute to anxiety and depression. Often people try to relieve the pressure by self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, or develop bad habits like smoking or overeating.

We can’t avoid all sources of stress in our lives, nor would we want to. But we can develop healthier ways of responding to them. One way is to invoke the relaxation response, through a technique first developed in the 1970s at Harvard Medical School by cardiologist Dr. Herbert Benson. The relaxation response is the opposite of the stress response. It’s a state of profound rest that can be elicited in many ways, including meditation, yoga, and progressive muscle relaxation.

In meditation, for example, heartbeat and respiration slow, the body’s rate of oxygen consumption drops steeply, and blood lactate levels, which some researchers believe are linked to panic attacks, decline markedly. Blood pressure stabilizes in healthy people and drops in people with hypertension.

Breath focus is a common feature of several techniques that evoke the relaxation response. The first step is learning to breathe deeply.

The benefits of deep breathing
When you breathe deeply, the air coming in through your nose fully fills your lungs, and the lower belly rises. It’s an inborn skill that often lies dormant. Reawakening it allows you to tap into one of your body’s strongest self-healing mechanisms.

Yet for many of us, deep breathing seems unnatural. There are several reasons for this. For one, body image has a negative impact on respiration in our culture. A flat stomach is considered attractive, so women (and men) tend to hold in their stomach muscles. This interferes with deep breathing and gradually makes shallow “chest breathing” seem normal, which increases tension and anxiety.

Breathing engages the diaphragm, a strong sheet of muscle that divides the chest from the abdomen. As you breathe in, the diaphragm drops down, pulling your lungs with it and pressing against abdominal organs to make room for the lungs to expand as they fill with air. As you breathe out, the diaphragm presses back up against your lungs, helping to expel carbon dioxide.

Shallow breathing limits the diaphragm’s range of motion. The lowest part of the lungs — with its many small blood vessels that are crucial to carrying oxygen to cells — doesn’t get a full share of oxygenated air. That can make you feel short of breath and anxious.

Deep abdominal breathing encourages full oxygen exchange — that is, the beneficial trade of incoming oxygen for outgoing carbon dioxide. Not surprisingly, it can slow the heartbeat and lower or stabilize blood pressure.

Practicing breath focus
Breath focus helps you concentrate on slow, deep breathing and aids you in disengaging from distracting thoughts and sensations. It’s especially helpful if you tend to hold in your stomach.

First steps. Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down. Start by noting the difference between breathing normally and breathing deeply. First, take a normal breath. Then try a deep breath: Breathe in slowly through your nose, allowing your chest and lower belly to rise as you fill your lungs. Let your abdomen expand fully. Now breathe out slowly through your mouth (or your nose, if that feels more natural). Alternate normal and deep breaths several times while paying attention to how you feel. Shallow breathing often feels tense and constricted, while deep breathing produces relaxation.

Practice deep breathing for several minutes. Put one hand on your stomach just below your navel. Feel the hand rise about an inch each time you inhale and fall back the same amount each time you exhale. Your chest will rise slightly in concert with your abdomen. Remember to relax your belly so that each inhalation expands it fully.

Breath focus in practice. Once you’ve taken the steps above, you can move on to regular practice of breath focus. As you sit comfortably with your eyes closed, blend deep breathing with helpful imagery and perhaps a focus word or phrase that helps you relax. For example, imagine that the air you breathe in brings peace and calm into your body. As you breathe out, imagine that the air leaving your body carries tension and anxiety away with it. As you inhale, try repeating a phrase to yourself, such as “Breathe in peace and calm.” And as you exhale, say: “Breathe out tension and anxiety.” To start, 10 minutes of breath focus is a reasonable goal. Gradually increase your session to 20 minutes.