Writing after four years

Dear all, hope all is well at your end. Iam writing exactly after four years so many things have happened in everyones lives including mine now iam mother of two kids finally god has granted my wish upon seeing my touching and yearning poems and prayers my inner cries reached the mountains and now iam awake trying not to wake my toddlers never thoght parenting is such a wonderful yet crankier affair each day is a discovery trial and errors indeed i really wish to hear from you, your views on parenting in the new era love u all urs shabs

Wishes

I wish to be the rhythm of the drizzle to hide my tear drops I wish to be a mesmerizing dream to seal my yesterday’s laughter I wish to be the waves of the ocean to snatch away memories to the depths I wish to be a gale of wind to be with my other half I wish to be the soil on earth to blossom a being I wish to be a twinkling star to smile at the world I wish to be a note of silence to sing my life’s story………

Pre Ramadan thoughts!

Basking on the warmth of care and attention at home, I reflect on my life, blessed yet eventful I couldn’t help thanking the people whose gentle acts made a heap of difference…….I lower my gaze as in trance filled with gratitude…..my beloved parents who gave me good education and values, affectionate siblings and the puck (my little sis )…….my cousin in the IT Industry who had referred me to a start up firm in Trivandrum when I have just finished my graduation……..My boss who has given a boost to my career by giving opportunities and always encouraged to study further……..my colleague whose intelligence and bullying instilled an urge for perfection……my cousin who took the pain to deliver the gift on my wedding eve even after meeting with an accident……. My spouse who unraveled a world of freedom ,wonder and passion………Sanads Philippino friends kind act when we had difficulty finding accommodation in the initial phase abroad……. The pieces of advice, criticism, genuine support and appreciation from the managers at my workplace in sharjah………. The cute ever loving and helping Doctor in Sharjah……..my colleagues who had supplied me with books to weather my toughest and lonely days…..the sober and soothing waves along the sharjah corniche that swabbed my tears…….The MD of the IT firm in Dubai who has given the freelancing writing assignment……..Sanads friends unselfish act of introducing the dignitary, the privilege to associate……….Now here iam with a beautiful life with ups and downs with laughter and sighs…more like a fairy tale……My heartfelt thanks to all of you out there…… let me welcome the holy month with this note of gratitude filling its fragrance!

Redundancy tales of a fantasist

Hi All,

Hope you are doing good, sorry for not updating my blog for quite some time. From today onwards for a specific period I would be pretty regular in my postings… the specific period is till I land up in my new job, though even now iam pretty busy ( who said the unemployed are idle, devising a new time management itself is a time consuming act especially when you know you don’t have to jump out of bed to be in office on time, and no meetings or deadlines to meet or gossip at the break time…..all these are fading to distance….and you juggle your household chores busy scanning the right openings in the newspaper and sites and prepare the database….fix the right time to send it out with your resume where your achievements and experience smiles at your still photograph…..then attending the interviews…..researching their background through the site…..locating the interview premise, the biggest headache…..so I feel jobseekers have to burn extra calories than those who are on the job)

Thursday was my last day at the office I have bid farewell to all my colleagues and when the company vehicle dropped me at my stop, suddenly I felt a surge of pang, I don’t know what was the reason, recession is following me and striking, when I reached home I felt iam all alone in this vast universe, a feeling of dizziness, I knew I am capable of facing challenges, iam bold and strong willed if I feel I need something dearly I make it a point to obtain it at any cost, through the right way and through hard work.

I saw so many dreams on that day I saw myself floating in the water, I logged on to the dream interpreter site it said To dream that you are lost at sea, suggests that you are drifting around in life without any direction. You are feeling overwhelmed by emotions.
Next day I was on track, I can keep recession reveries at bay, I have got an interview call and I have attended it, while I was showing my work samples the Manager jovially asked me is it u pointing the blogger profile picture, I said its pseudo photo, anyway thanks to him, I will be putting my original photograph from today onwards……revealing my true identity.


So dear readers do post your feedback and stay in touch
Lovingly and job huntingly yours

Shabs

Some pre-weekend thoughts

Hi All,
Hope you all had a great week. The last few weeks had been serene, introspective and busy juggling the works at office and home, but I should say it was with content and calm, preparing and packing food for my spouse with great care and ecstasy to his new workstation. Listening to his new observations of people and surroundings, I was enjoying every bit of my existence.

Checking my things to remember list and striking off the finished tasks, meanwhile checking online bank account for any positive sign murmuring prayers and looking blankly at the Poster Tuition available for English that I have pasted near the elevator of my apartment with the hope to utilize my free time during weekends to earn some extra bucks to resist recession. I look at my mobile and wonder why it hasn’t yielded any calls and I solace myself by a monologue “kids will be enjoying their vacation back home, no wonder no calls……”

I want to do a lot of things, I want to materialize a lot of dreams, I repeatedly tell myself to be patient….my intentions carry a lot of purposes my hearts desires to bring smile on a lot of people whom I love and who are miles away. The holy month of Ramadan has started and notes of peace, bliss and aura is everywhere, I tell myself not to keep any ill feelings against anyone whom had given a lot of difficult times and injury. I remind myself to make the most out of the holy month through humble efforts.

Material well being or spiritual well being is more important? I pose this to question to tackle, and let my thoughts to wander, my glance shift to the novels lying on my table waiting to find emancipation through my eyes and my minds eye, ready to take me to different worlds and action sequences, I have decided to keep aside all the books, I should be editing my ex boss’s literary debut instead, I pasted the sticking note on my PC edit the novel on weekend, I tried to recollect all the recipes and grooming tips I have collected through internet to make the weekend and Iftar enjoyable, weekend is indeed perfect time to keep worries and concerns at bay, Iam inhaling a breath of cheerfulness to my bosom to create a perfect weekend,

Cheeringly yours
Shabs

A solacing song to the soul

The tiny bird always gay and playful
Flew with the tide of the care….
Hiding the warmth of love and dreams to its skinny feathers……..
Flapping and spreading the fragrance of love to her companions……

She flew and flew with caution away from falcons……
Looking in her new nest with hope and joy

When she landed on her new nest……
She wished she could rest……..
But her tiny nest, a puzzle so hard to crack…..

She started flying again
Crushed dreams burning fire on her bosom….


The tiny bird in trance Tired and confused
Tried to sing her souls song to her mate…….
She waited for him to return to her


He did come, never trying to hear her melody
Never seeing its intensity, never listening its beating
The tiny bird still sings her souls song
Wishing for a day to sing in union
To sing and flap her wings in joy and close her eyes

Hopes of that bright and serene day
Floats her to air and she flies singing her souls song……..

Outward in self analysis

Hi All,

Good day to you. I was so stressed up and disoriented few days back and felt I would explode if I didn’t talk to someone, as always, my friend was there for my rescue, His wisdom soothed my eerie feelings and helped me see things in far better light. It was indeed an eye opening session, I felt ashamed of myself for being so naïve to be cynical and disheartened. I listed my reasons for frustrations he told me to take a bird`s eye view of what Iam doing and it seems to him I have shrunk my thoughts towards a few things? you need to do a real self examination of urself ? you are looking inward out look from outward in...I would say the best piece of advice I have ever received, I did that…. I looked at my reflection from outside……stunned to see the truth.

I always used to think Iam doing the right things, I always used to expect attention and care from my spouse in return of my love for him, I used to scream shriek and yell when things are not going according to my liking. His words did rang a bell…. he said if you are expecting.. you DO NOT have love, love is unconditional, and if there is expectation... its conditional...its is not love. He continued to my surprise you are frustrated for no reason ... and you are possessive for no reason, and that makes u look only to the negative side of life ... while so many positives are happening around.

He shot the prescription for me quickly write down 20 positive things in your life everyay for the next 30 days its normal for us to get in to the garbage of our lives ... yes we need to work yes we need to do the chores at home yes we need to slog but what is it for we are doing it ? if that is quite clear , you can easily get going...we need to have perseverance, in life we need to appreciate the god things that our partner does and what they require is encouragement not to point the issues.

Its so stupid of me to keep on trying to change the ways of my spouse, how much damage I would have done to him through all the endless fights and screams, yes now I see a lot of positive sides in my spouses side, he is cool headed, how come I mistook it for indifference, not even a single trouble would affect him, where I would get worried for no reasons, he is capable, he is technically very adept, why I want him to be a book worm while he always had a way to tackle realities, he found his new job with no time, he is capable and good in his field, why did I fail to notice that….. I was reminded of the play Hayavadhana by Girish Karnad, where the wife yearns for perfection, exchanges the physical and intellectual faculties of two persons and how it ruins their happiness and make them realize the futility of searching for perfection.

These words from my friend, whom I know for years whom I judged to be a perfectionist startled me imperfect things are beautiful if we do things like how car is made , then life is not interesting anymore why is painting beautiful coz its imperfect ... and there are lot of unknown thing that we could see you will see how blessed you are ...

I had to agree to him, then he asked me sarcastically but you r what ? frustrated? angry ?
No, no I have corrected him iam blessed

Then he continued remember if you get angry about something, youu do not have love for that person...coz anger is a emotion, and love is an emotion when anger supercedes love ... that’s when we get angry before you get angry change the perspective of how the other person would be feeling when you get angry with that person and then you u would feel that things need to be changed from your end. Change always starts from within and we need to keep doing the change, so that we become better…..when you stop doing it remember we aren’t growing mentally, spiritually and mutually.

Iam almost in tears when he finished. So I would like to thank my friend for reinforcing the truths about relationship that got fogged by troubled situations, and I want to tell my spouse a big sorry for all my naive ness, I love you more than anything in this world, you are still a gem of a guy my dear husband!